Wow - I am in a quandary. Look it up. I have had an interaction with the leadership of our church which called my integrity into question. I have tried so very hard to be a man of integrity, but of course we can all blow it from time to time, and I am one of us "all." So I am now trying to figure out if it is a simple misunderstanding, or if I have set myself up for failure here. By that, I mean, "have I been so goofy, or stupid, or have I messed with the line between truth and lie so much that I have let room for doubt creep in?"
In other words, "have I blown my own rep?"
And of course, the next question is: what do I do next? Can I continue as part of the team if I have made myself so unbelievable? If I go off and get offended, I don't think I will be honoring God. John Bevere may be a bone-bruised wimp, but he makes a good point about this 'taking offense' stuff. We are often an offense waiting to happen - just walking around looking for a chance to be the focus or center of something which will give us a reason to bolt. Run away. Take our ball and go home. I don't want to do that. But I also don't want to be in a leadership position if I can't be trusted because of things I have said or done. And if people have meetings about me and then assign somebody to come tell me that they simply don't believe something I have said, well I need to clean up, own that I brought that on myself somehow, do some heavy self-examination, and go looking for exactly HOW I did bring it. And fix it, of course. Which can take years, I know.
Let's look forward - I'm just thinking out loud and typing it here - what serves God the best in a situation like this. Well, division is not one of the better things to spread around in any part of God's church. I wish you could see how many times I have started a sentence, backed up with the delete key and started it again just now - this is tough, but healing at the same time.
I guess I have been my own worst enemy again. This has happened before, and I am afraid it will happen again. I do want to move on, but I have nowhere to go right now. So, I guess I will stick it out here, and take my lumps.
OK - God moment: There is nobody on this planet who can create a reputation for myself but myself. Oh, I know: people can spread false rumors, but that is not the case here, and that is not what I am talking about. I think it is more a case of, "you made your own bed, now lay in it."
So - I will.
Self-examination is wise in such situations, Chuck, but it's also wise to remember just because someone (even a church leader) says something doesn't mean it is the only truth in the situation. Sharing your take on the situation clearly, in a non-defensive and non-blaming manner, and listening to feedback offered in a similar manner builds up the Body. You do not need to accept abuse or put-downs or attempts to make you wrong under the color of spiritual authority. I don't know the exact situation, but "people having meetings about you" doesn't sound scriptural; when a brother or sister is offended, he or she is first to seek you out individually to rectify the situation and then, if rebuffed, bring two or three other believers into the situation. (Matthew 8:15-17)
ReplyDeleteMy sentence above should have been "...just because someone (even a church leader says something _true_ doesn't mean it is the only truth in the situation." In other words, it's not a matter of "if they're right, I'm wrong" and vice-versa.
ReplyDelete